


This Little Life Inside Of You

by mardemaravilla



Category: Football RPF
Genre: FC Chelsea, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-04
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 15:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/623889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mardemaravilla/pseuds/mardemaravilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fernando is pregnant, but he's not telling anyone who the baby's father is. Juan doesn't care; he just wants to be a part of this new phase in Fernando's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Little Life Inside Of You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this prompt](http://footballkink2.livejournal.com/9132.html?thread=2591660#t2591660).

Fernando feels sick.

His head is half in the toilet bowl and he's staring at the remnants of what was once a plate of fish and chips, feeling listless and miserable.

He's more than just sick.

He rubs his stomach gently and hears a soft voice behind him.

"Here, I made you some ginger tea. It'll clear the taste away and settle your stomach," Juan says.

He helps Fernando sit on the edge of the bathtub and hands him the warm mug. Fernando watches Juan flush the toilet and put the lid down.

"You don't have to be so nice," Fernando mumbles.

Juan sits on the closed toilet, shrugs and smiles a little, "I'm a nice guy."

A lump rises in Fernando's throat. Juan _is_ a nice guy. He's a great guy. If he could take it all back and have this baby for anybody else, it would probably be for this man right here, flushing away Fernando's vomit and brewing him herbal tea. But he can't take it back. He can't undo that one night of weakness and want or the baby it's left inside of him. He tries to blink away the tears.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Juan asks quietly. "We don't have to, but you haven't said much for the past few months and I just...I'm worried about you." He takes one of Fernando's hands in his own. "I'm worried about you and this kid."

Fernando shakes his head, "There's nothing to talk about."

"Isn't there?" Juan sighs, "What about the dad? The _other_ dad? Does he at least know?"

"I'm the only dad this baby needs," Fernando says roughly. He pulls his hand away from Juan's and sets the mug of tea down on the floor. "You don't need to worry about me," he rubs his belly again; "About _us_."

Juan moves from the toilet lid to sit next to Fernando and puts a hand over the one already lying against the barely rounded stomach.

"But I do, Fer. I worry about you doing this alone. I know you don't trust this guy to take care of you and his baby, and I--"

"My baby. This is _my baby_ , not his," Fernando pulls away from Juan and goes over to the sink. He looks at himself in the mirror, looks at his stomach and tries to imagine the reflection he'll see in five and a half months. He shifts his focus to Juan's image behind him, blue eyes sad. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not some lost puppy who needs taking care of."

Juan crosses over to Fernando and turns him around so they can face each other, "You're not. You're not, but I want to take care of you. You know that." Juan pushes the soft blond hair aside and presses his nose against Fernando's cheek. He lets his hand find Fernando's belly again, "If you won't let whoever else there is be part of this, then please, please let me be here for you. For _both_ of you."

Fernando feels the lump in his throat rise again, choking him. He doesn't deserve this. He's made mistakes. Made so many ridiculous mistakes throughout his entire life, and now here he is with a baby inside of him and Juan offering to be a part of their lives forever. He's not as successful at keeping back the tears this time. Juan holds him close, murmurs soft words into his ear, strokes his back and Fernando sobs into his shoulder. He's done nothing to deserve this love that Juan has for him. He's only done everything to prove that he's unworthy of it, but still, still Juan is here. Fernando has endured these past three and a half months of his pregnancy feeling depressed and alone: he's had to give up football; had to announce the reason why to the press. He's let everyone speculate on who the baby's other father might be, and so far their ideas have been less painful than the truth. He's heard rumours from Sergio to Daniel, even Iker and Juan himself, but he just lets them talk. He's not going to involve a man who has told him in no uncertain terms that he already has a family and doesn't need another one. He's not going to acknowledge a man who has asked him to get rid of this child growing within him. Something inside of Fernando changes; a light goes on in his head. He can feel reason removing sorrow. Just because the man who gave him this baby doesn't want it doesn't mean that Fernando can't share this baby with someone who does, someone who's been by his side since the day he first found out he was pregnant. He wipes his tears and takes Juan's hands in his own.

"You would want that? Really?"

Juan nods and whispers, "More than anything. I love you, Fernando. If you just let me prove it to you, then--"

Juan's voice drops off when Fernando presses their entwined hands against his stomach.

"You've proven it to me already."

The smile that spreads across Juan's face is so big that it hurts Fernando. This is a man who truly loves him. Juan's never kept it a secret, but he's been respectful of Fernando's space. He's never pushed him, never pressed him for anything more than friendship and the occasional cuddle, and if Fernando is finally honest with himself, Juan is someone that he's always loved but never really thought he deserved.

"I'm sorry," Fernando says and Juan tries to shush him, "No, I need to, Juan. Please. I'm sorry that I couldn't be better, that I let it happen this way. I love this baby already, I really do. I just...I don't love its father. I thought I did. I thought that when he offered to drive me home from a bar one night that it was going to be the start of something good, you know?" Juan gives him a sad smile and Fernando clutches their hands closer to his belly. The words and the tears are both pouring out now and Fernando isn't sure if he can blame it all on the hormones, "I thought he cared about me, but he didn't. He doesn't. It was one night and now I can't take that back, and you shouldn't have to deal with this but _you want to_." Fernando closes his eyes for just a moment, "I wish that I could change things. Not that I'm pregnant, but who I'm pregnant for."

When he opens his eyes again, Juan is smiling. He rubs Fernando's belly softly, "It doesn't matter. I love you, and I love this little life inside of you. I promise you that I'll be in your lives for as long as you want me to be."

Fernando lets Juan kiss him. It's soft and gentle, and it spreads warmth through Fernando that he's only ever felt with this man at his side. It's taken him so long to see that. That feeling of home that he's searched for, that he hoped he could find with a man he thought he loved, he's always had it. It's always been calling to him from these blue eyes and that soft smile. Fernando pulls his phone out of his back pocket and lets Juan watch as he goes through his contacts. Fernando scrolls past names of family members, friends and teammates until he gets to the ‘S’ section and finds the one he's been searching for. He looks at it for a moment, before pressing 'Delete' and Juan's hands squeeze his own.

He knows the difference now between love for a club and love for a man. Fernando forgets everything he knows about red shirts and captain's armbands.

“I want you in our lives forever.”

And he knows that this time he’ll never walk alone.


End file.
